Ok, just lifted this from the BCS forum though i would share, funny as hell...


Swearing at Work.

Dear Employees,
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore lists of 13 New and Innovative ‘TRY SAYING’ phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1. Try Saying: - I think you could do with more training
Instead Of: - You don't have a f***ing clue, do you?

2. Try Saying: - She's an aggressive go-getter.
Instead Of: - She's a f***ing power-crazy b*tch

3. Try Saying: - Perhaps I can work late
Instead Of: - And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?

4. Try Saying: - I'm certain that isn't feasible
Instead Of: - F*** off a*se- hole

5. Try Saying: - Really?
Instead Of: - Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole

6. Try Saying: - Perhaps you should check with...
Instead Of: - Tell someone who gives a f***.

7. Try Saying: - I wasn't involved in the project.
Instead Of: - Not my f***ing problem.

8. Try Saying: - That's interesting.
Instead Of: - What the f***?

9. Try Saying: - I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
Instead Of: - No f***ing chance mate.

10. Try Saying: - It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in
Instead Of: - Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?

11. Try Saying: - He's not familiar with the issues
Instead Of: - He's got his head up his f***ing a*se.

12. Try Saying: - Excuse me, sir?
Instead Of: - Oi, f*** face.

13. Try Saying: - Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway
Instead Of: - Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway.

I'm certain that isn't feasible.

Thats interesting to be honest.

Whats the BCS forum?

^Belfastcarscene.com, Andy's website and forum

Really a fact!

Thought you guys might appreciate this also!

Dear Employees

So I’m at work yesterday and the mailclerk starts handing out letters from upper management. At this point, I’m thinking “Oh crap, how am I gonna tell my family I got laid off?” Fortunately, I’m only 29 years old. You’ll understand when you read the letter.

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can get.

Great, as if I didn’t get enough shit already….

nice thread man ..
i enjoyed those words..